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Self-Care Tips

Self-care tips, random thoughts, and quotes for your pleasure and learning: 

 

  • “Affirmations are like prescriptions for certain aspects of yourself you want to change.” Jerry Frankhauser

  • The brilliant physicist and Noble Prize winner, Richard Feynman, on dealing with the expectations of others: 

    "You have no responsibility to live up to what other people think you ought to accomplish. 

    I have no responsibility to be like they expect me to be. It's their mistake, not my failing."

    Source: Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman! Borrowed from James Clear's 3 ideas, 2 quotes, 1 question (February 20, 2020)

  • "The person who learns the most in any classroom is the teacher. 

    If you really want to learn a topic, then "teach" it. Write a book. Teach a class. Build a product. Start a company. 

    The act of making something will force you to learn more deeply than reading ever will." James Clear

  • "Do not wait. If there is something you wish to do, go do it. Death comes for busy people too. It will not pause and return at a more convenient time." James Clear 

  • “In an age of speed, I began to think, nothing could be more invigorating than going slow. In an age of distraction, nothing can feel more luxurious than paying attention. And in an age of constant movement, nothing is more urgent than sitting still.” Pico Iyer 

  • Parker J. Palmer from his book - On the Brink of Everything: “The second reason I need to keep death daily before my eyes is also rooted in my experience. Nothing makes me more grateful for life - even in the hard times - than remembering that it’s a pure gift that I didn’t earn and won’t have forever. Nothing motivates me more strongly to ‘pay it forward’ than knowing that the time to share a gift is when I have it in hand.” 

  • Writer Laurie Buchanan on the behaviors and life we don’t choose:

    "Whatever you are not changing, you are choosing."

    Source: Tuesdays with Laurie

  • Happy Valentine's Day! Take time to appreciate those you love and the ones who love you. 

  • “I don’t have a lot of respect for talent. Talent is genetic. It’s what you do with it that counts.” Martin Ritt 

  • “I shut my eyes in order to see.” Paul Gauguin

  • Kindness Compassion exercise from Kristin Neff, Ph.D. - Say the following aloud or silently to yourself:

    1. This is a moment of suffering. This is really hard. I am hurting.

    2. Suffering is a part of life. This is part of humanity. I’m not the only one feeling this way.

    3. While doing a physical gesture that conveys caring and kindness (hands on heart or face or hug self), say: I’m here for you. I’ve got your back. 

  • Parker J. Palmer from his book - On the Brink of Everything: “More often than I like to admit, I’ve forgotten lessons learned and had to start over from scratch, relearning what I thought I knew. One advantage of age is the chance it gives us to learn and relearn until we truly know.” 

  • A friend shared this with me today and I found it of value. "I have stopped accepting the things I cannot change and started changing the things I cannot accept." 

  • "The most dangerous items on your to-do list are the ones that look like opportunities, but are actually distractions." James Clear

  • Tara Brach book RADICAL COMPASSION: LEARNING TO LOVE YOURSELF AND YOUR WORLD WITH THE PRACTICE OF RAIN

     

    R

    A

    I

     

    RECOGNIZE - What is going on inside me - the circling of anxious thoughts and guilty feelings. 

     

    ALLOW - What is happening by breathing and letting be. “It belongs.“ Feel in body.

     

    INVESTIGATE - What felt most difficult. This is not an analysis. This is feel the feelings and sensations in body. 

     

    NURTURE - Send a gentle message in word, directly to that anxious part: “It’s OK, sweetheart. You are safe. You are doing your best.”

     

    Nurtured by giving yourself permission to open to and fill yourself with the goodness of this experience. Soak it into every cell, and rest in the experience you are longing for.

     

    After the RAIN, we shift from doing to being. 

     

    What would my life be like without this belief?

     

    Who would I become if I no longer lived with this belief?

  • Parker J. Palmer from his book - On the Brink of Everything: “When you share your story of struggle, you offer me companionship in mine, and that’s the most powerful soul medicine I know. Here, it seems to me, is yet another parallel between faith and writing. The God I’m familiar with does not work like a GPS, but accompanies me as I try to grope my way through the darkest of dark places. I think a good writer can do at least a little bit of that for the reader; writing from a deeply human place of vulnerability is an act of compassion, as well as self-therapy.”

  • The painter, Walter Sickert, once told an annoying guest, “You must come again when you have less time.” 

  • Parker J. Palmer from his book - On the Brink of Everything: “I quote Saint Benedict, who said, ‘Daily keep your death before your eyes.’ That may sound like a morbid practice, but I assure you it isn’t. If you hold a healthy awareness of your own mortality, your eyes will be opened to the glory and grandeur of life. And that will evoke all of the virtues I’ve named, as well as those I haven’t, such as hope, generosity and gratitude.” 

  • F.M. Alexander on the importance of habits: 
    “People do not decide their futures, they decide their habits and their habits decide their futures.”

  • Parker J. Palmer, from his book, - On the Brink of Everything: “Most older folks I know fret about unloading material goods they’ve collected over the years, stuff that was once useful to them but now prevents them from moving freely about their homes. There are precincts in our basement where a small child could get lost for hours. But the junk I really need to jettison in my old age is psychological junk - such as longtime convictions about what gives my life meaning that no longer serve me well.”

  • Gabor Mate, MD   In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction 

    P.402 “Leaving the addict or staying in the relationship is a choice no person can make for anyone else, but to stay with him while resenting him, mentally rejecting him, and punishing him emotionally, or even just subtly trying to manipulate him into ‘reform,’ is always the worse course. The belief that anyone ‘should’ be any different than he or she is is toxic to oneself, to the other, and to the relationship.”

    Although we may believe we are acting out of love, when we are critical of others or work very hard to change them, it’s always about ourselves. ‘The alcoholics wife is adding to the level of shame her husband experiences,’ says Anne, a veteran of Alcoholics Anonymous. ‘In effect she is saying to the addict, he is bad and she is good. Perhaps she is in denial about her addiction to certain attitudes, like self-righteousness, martyrdom, or perfectionism.’ 

  • Step five: Recreate

    It is time to re-create: to choose a different life. Mindfully honoring our creativity helps us transcend the feeling of deficient emptiness that drives addiction. Write down your values and intentions and, one more time, do so with conscious awareness. Envision yourself living with integrity, creative and present, being able to look people in the eye with compassion for them - and for yourself.

    The mind of the addict is beset by constant worry and soothed only by the addictive substance or activity. 

    Once programmed, the addicted mind creates a world of emptiness where one must scratch and grab for every bit of nourishment and be ever vigilant for every opportunity to get more.  

    Gabor Mate, MD   In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction 

  • MERRY CHRISTMAS TO THOSE WHO CELEBRATE IT.

  • Step four: Revalue 

    It’s purpose is to help you drive into your own thick skull just what has been the real impact of the addictive urge in your life: disaster. It has caused me to spend money heedlessly or to stuff myself when I wasn’t hungry or to be absent from the ones I love or expend my energies on activities I later regretted. It has wasted my time. It has led me to lie and cheat and to pretend - first to myself and then to everyone close to me. It is left me feeling ashamed and isolated. It has promised joy and delivered bitterness. Such has been it’s a real value to me; such has been the effect of my allowing some disordered brain circuits to run my life. The real ‘value’ of my addictive compulsion has been that it has caused me to betray my true values and disregard my true goals. Be conscious as you write out this fourth step - and do write it out, several times a day if necessary. Be specific: What has been the value of the urge in your relationship with your partner? Your children? Your employees? Your coworkers? Your best friend? Pay close attention to what you feel when you recall these events and when you foresee what’s ahead if you persist in permitting the compulsion to overpower you. Be aware. That awareness will be your guardian. 

    Do all of this without judging yourself. You are gathering information, not conducting a criminal trial against yourself.

    Dr. Schwartz introduces what he calls the two A’s: anticipate and accept. To anticipate is to know that the compulsive drive to engage in addictive behavior will return. There is no final victory - every moment the urge is turned away is a triumph. And accept that the addiction exists not because of yourself, but in spite of yourself. You did not come into life asking to be programmed this way. It’s not personal to you -  millions of others with similar experiences have developed the same mechanisms. What is personal to you is how you respond to it in the present. Keep close to your impartial observer. 

    Gabor Mate, MD   In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction

  • Step three: RefocusIn the refocus step you buy yourself time. The key principle here, as Dr. Schwartz points out, is this: ‘It’s not how you feel that counts; it’s what you do.’ Rather than engage in the addictive activity, find something else to do. Your initial goal is modest: buy yourself just 15 minutes. Choose something that you enjoy and that will keep you active: preferably something healthy and creative, but anything that will please you without causing greater harm.  The purpose of refocusing is to teach your brain that it doesn’t have to obey the addictive call. Success will come in increments. No matter how simple it may seem to others who do not have to live with your particular brain, you know that holding out for even a short period of time is an achievement. You are teaching your old brain new tricks. Gabor Mate, MD   In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction

  • Gabor Mate, MD   In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction

    Step two: Reattribute

    In Re-attribute you learn to place the blame squarely on your brain. This is my brain sending me a false message. In step two you state very clearly where that urge originated: in neurological circuits that were programmed in your brain long ago, when you were a child. It represents a dopamine or endorphin ‘hunger’ on the part of the brain system that, early in your life, lacked the necessary conditions for their full development. It also represents emotional needs that went unsatisfied.

    Reattribution is directly linked with compassionate curiosity toward the self. Instead of blaming yourself for having addictive thoughts or desires, you calmly ask why these desires have exercised such a powerful hold over you.

  • Gabor Mate, MD   In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction

    Step one: Relabel

    You label the addictive thought or urge exactly for what it is, not mistaking it for reality. When we relabel, we give up the language of need. An example is: I don’t need to purchase anything now or to eat anything now; I’m only having an obsessive thought that I have such a need. It’s not a real, objective need but a false belief. I may have a feeling of urgency, but there’s actually nothing urgent going on.

    Essential to all the steps is conscious awareness. Adam Smith used the term ‘Impartial Spectator’ and defined it as the capacity to stand outside yourself and watch yourself in action, which is essentially the same mental action as the ancient Buddhist concept of mindful awareness.

    The point of relabeling is not to make the addictive urge disappear - it’s not going to, at least not for a long time, since it was wired into the brain long ago. It is strengthened every time you give into it and every time you try to suppress it forcibly. The point is to observe it with conscious attention without assigning the habitual meaning to it. It is no longer a ‘need’ only a dysfunctional thought. Physical changes in the brain depend for their creation on a mental state in the mind - they called attention. Paying attention matters.

  • Gabor Mate, MD   In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction

    “The fourth step should be practiced daily at least once, but also whenever an addictive impulse pulls you so strongly that you are tempted to act it out. Find a place to sit and write - preferably a quiet place - but even a bus stop or do if that’s where you happen to be when the addictive urge arises. Addiction is characterized by relapses and there  may be a tendency not to follow through. Commitment is sticking with something not because 'it works' or because I enjoy it, but because I have an intention that overrides momentary feelings or opinions.

    You don’t have to feel or believe that it’s working for you: you just have to do it and to understand that if you have a lapse, it doesn’t mean that you have failed. It’s an opportunity to begin anew.” I will be sharing the steps with you in a later post. 

  • Gabor Mate, MD   In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction 

    Four-step self-treatment method:

    It depends on the high level of motivation for its success. We must take the first step of acknowledging the full impact of the addiction and we have to resolve to confront its power over our mind. 

    This approach is rooted in malfunctioning brain circuits and in implicit stories and beliefs that do not match reality. This is the core problem in addiction because the development of the brain and the mind was negatively affected by adverse early circumstances.

  • Page 374. "The addict’s behavior or substance use is also meant to calm anxiety - an unease about life itself, or about a sense of insufficient self. " Gabor Mate, MD   In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction 

  • “There is no moving forward without breaking through the wall of denial - or, in the case of such an obstinate and slippery mind as mine, breaking through several walls, whose existence I do not even want to acknowledge.” Page 359 Gabor Mate, MD   In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction

  • "The addiction really isn’t over until I can see the emptiness of the behavior. (His son Daniel's comment). He carries a void inside. 't’s a void I do anything to avoid.' He says if he’s learned anything, it’s that 'have to be responsible for my own fear of emptiness.' The hidden emptiness is at the core, which our different addictions always promises but always fail to fill." Gabor Mate, MD In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction

  • Gabor Mate, MD   In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction Everything a person can do is better done if there is no addictive attachment that pollutes it. For every addiction - no matter how benign or even laudable it seems from the outside - someone pays a price. 

  • “Definition of addiction: any repeated behavior, substance related or not, in which a person feels compelled to persist, regardless of its negative impact on his life and the lives of others. The distinguishing features of any addiction are compulsion, preoccupation, impaired control, persistence, relapse, and craving.” Gabor Mate, MD   In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction

  • “Any passion can become an addiction but then how to distinguish between the two? The central question is who’s in charge, the individual or their behavior? And the addiction is the repeated behavior in which a person keeps engaging, even though he knows it harms himself or others. If in doubt, ask yourself one simple question: given the harm you’re doing to yourself and others, are you willing to stop? If not, you’re addicted.  And if you’re unable to renounce the behavior or to keep your pledge when you do, you are addicted.” Page 115 Gabor Mate, MD   In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction.

  • Gabor Mate, MD   In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction  - powerful thoughts! 

    "What relief do you find or hope to find in the drug or the addictive behavior?

    Far more than a quest for pleasure, chronic substance abuse is the addicts attempt to escape distress.” From a medical point of view, addicts are self-medicating conditions like depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress, or even attention deficit hyper activity disorder (ADHD). Addictions always originate in pain, whether felt openly or hidden in the unconscious. They are emotional anesthetics."

  • Namaste, the Sanskirt holy greeting, means, “The divine in me salutes the divine in you.”

  • "Gratitude, not understanding, is the secret to Joy and Equanimity." Anne Lamott

  • "Nothing records the effects of a sad life so graphically as the human body." Naguib Mahfouz in the book Palace of Desire. What do you need to do to take better care of the only body you will ever get? Drink less alcohol? Eat healthier food? Get more sleep? Exercise today? Speak kindly to yourself? Give yourself the compassion we all need? 

  • Happy Thanksgiving! What are you grateful for right now? 

  • “Self-acceptance is the ability to accept all of our parts and to be open to them, even interested in them.” Jay Earley 

  • Whatever our limits are in range of motion, no matter how small or how big, within that range of motion, there's an infinite amount of space to explore. -Rodney Yee

  • “When we’re in the deepest, darkest, and worst emotional state, when it seems like self-acceptance is the farthest away, we are in fact one instant from the awareness that can transform us completely.” Raphael Cushnir 

  • “Being free takes first realizing you’re in prison, and then questioning what imprisons you. Peace takes naming what keeps you ruffled. Joy takes realizing what separates you from it. It’s a process, not a one-time event; you’ve got to want your life back more than you want anything.” Geneen Roth 

  • “The person to whom we have the highest moral obligation is the one over whom we have the highest influence, and that is our future self. So, if you want to give yourself a gift tomorrow or next year, or perhaps in the next lifetime, treat yourself well.” Rick Hanson 

  • If you open your heart and become like a child, you will always be blissful, always content.   -Dharma Mittra 

  • The very thing that I learned through yoga, that is essential to my ability to wake up every morning, is the breath. In yoga, my practice allows me to appreciate each breath and each moment. I realized that everything counts. Every breath, thought, word, and action counts in my practice and in my world. When I take time to appreciate the breath, I make space for an appreciation of life.  -Chelsea Jackson Roberts  

  • You can create a “coping card” for yourself to remind you of positive actions you can take or of a compassionate point of view that you want to maintain. This physical reminder that you can see regularly will help you make these things a healthy habit. 

  • Yoga is a practice of self-inquiry.  -Nicole Cardoza  

  • “If you can’t get what you want, you might have to settle for something better.” Jonathan Young

  • Pushing through resistance lets us see what's on the other side. -Seane Corn  

  • Yoga has given me the space to understand that every part of me is necessary. Everything is exactly as it needs to be. And what needs to be silenced are the voices that make me feel otherwise. -Jessamyn Stanley

  • Sometimes it's the little things that get to us. They add up. We can handle the first small crisis, the car running out of gas. Usually, we can handle the second small crisis, being late for work. It's when the third or fourth crisis in a row hits, someone canceled an order we were counting on for work and then a headache starts. At that point, we are tumbling over the edge of the emotional cliff and not coping well. It's as if our feet are planted in cement and we can't move forward to solve the next problem we are faced with. Even though many of us have been taught the usual self-help stress management tips (exercise, ask others to help, do neck rolls, take a deep breath, learn to say "no" when you have too many commitments, seek out positive people, don't escape with drugs or alcohol, learn to relax, meditate, avoid junk food and sugar, etc.), when in a crisis, often we can't remember to use them. Sometimes we can't even remember what a stress management tip is! So, just for today, breathe. Take a deep breath several times today and let it out slowly and quietly. You don't want the guy in the next cubicle wondering if you are having health issues and can't get your breath. The only thing you need to remember the next time you are stressed out is to breathe. There’s no right or wrong way to do this. There are all kinds of options on how to breathe depending on who you talk to or what yoga or meditation classes you attend. If you swim, the breathing is totally different. For now, you just need to get more air into your body to help your body relax.This breathing helps your body realize there is no need to be in crisis mode. It’s that fight-or-flight feeling which tends to increase your heart rate and elevate blood pressure. It adds additional stress to your body, which can lead to health issues if not controlled or eliminated. 

  • Make ONE decision at a time. Focusing on one decision at a time will stream-line your productivity. Read from your “to do” list, make a decision, complete at least one small step in reaching that goal, and move on to the next item.

  • Decisions are a major part of overwhelm. You will have the best results if you make decision during your peak productivity time. If you are a morning person, make decisions early in the day. If you are a night person, make them later in the day. Once you make a decision, don’t second-guess yourself. It’s a huge waste of time and energy. Give yourself credit for making the decision, then let it go and move on. 

  • When you are looking at what you need to get done, writing everything down in one place is often helpful…it’s a “brain dump.” It’s difficult to make good decisions when there are too many options. Seeing everything written in one place can free up space to think through priorities. 

  • Often we get overwhelmed with too many things to do and no clear priorities. A major mistake most people make is thinking that everything on your to-do list needs to be done. What can you let go of? What will not matter in a month if it’s done or not? 

  • But at the end of the day, it doesn't matter if you have three out of four of your limbs; it doesn't matter if you're fat, short, tall, male, female, or somewhere in between. None of that matters. All that matters is that we're human and trying to breathe together. -Jessamyn Stanley  

  • “That is really what radical forgiveness is all about - that people can feel better about themselves, accept themselves, love themselves more, and know that they are perfect just the way they are.” Colin Tipping

  • You can create a “HOPE kit” for those moments when you are down or depressed. It could be a scrapbook or a container that holds mementos that serve as a personal reminder of your accomplishments and connections in the world. Just looking at this creation can lift your mood and inspire you.

  • “Self-acceptance is a great matter, asking much of us, and giving back even more. Exploring and cultivating intimacy with what’s in the way of self-acceptance is an essential journey for us, if we are to truly come alive.” Robert Augustus Masters 

  • For some people, their automatic response when they are feeling down is to consider suicide. If your thinking process does not go there, it’s time to be grateful for that positive aspect of your personality. If you are the type of person who wants to end the pain by exiting life, ask yourself: “What one thing would have to change for you not to feel suicidal?” (Assessment and Management of Suicide Risk created by David Jones, Ph.D.) Plus, immediately get psychological support with a professional or someone you trust. 

  • “Self-acceptance is a kind of courage - a quiet courage. It means meeting life with who we are completely, being open to how we’re shaped in the same way the shore is shaped by the surf.” Mark Nepo 

  • “You can make me hurt, but you cannot make me turn against my own experience.” Steven C. Hayes 

  • “Emotions are central to almost everything we think, feel, and do. When we can accept our emotions, then self-acceptance naturally follows.” Karla McLaren 

  • “The good news is that pain, whether physical or emotional, can function as a powerful catalyst for healing, change, and growth.” Friedemann Schaub 

  • “Building a true sense of self-trust comes from making contact with the deeper parts of our being, such as the truth of our loving, even when we sometimes act in ways we don’t like.” Tara Brach 

  • Tara Brach, Ph.D. has a Mindful Awareness with Kindness practice she calls RAIN. R - Recognize what is going on under the story line. A - Allow it to be there. I - Investigating with kindness - Connect with what’s going on in the body - put hand on heart. N - Not identified with the unworthy self.

  • Because ego is built around the sense of lack, the need to improve and a sense of unworthiness, we need to be out of ego in order to be kind and gentle with ourselves. 

  • Iyanla Vanzant has a lovely prayer she uses: “Help me see this rightly.” 

  • Kristin Neff, Ph.D. Kindness Compassion Exercise - say and do: 1. “This is a moment of suffering. This is really hard or I’m hurting.” 2. “Suffering is a part of life. This is part of humanity. I’m not the only one.” 3. Do a physical gesture that conveys caring, kindness (hands on heart or face or hug self). “I’m here for you. I’ve got your back.”

  • Sometimes when we need a short break and time to reconnect with ourselves just putting our hand or hands on our heart will give us a moment of peace. Hands on our cheeks or arms around our own torso will do the same. 

  • A “conscious intent” to be kind to self is huge and a good starting point for making your day better.

  • The tone of voice you use makes a difference in how others receive your message. Notice the tone of your voice for the next few hours and see how others respond to you.

  • Self-Compassion author, Kristin Neff, Ph.D. practices listening to what she’s saying to herself when she makes a mistake or is struggling with something, then asks, “would I say the same thing to a good friend”? 

  • Author Elizabeth Gilbert describes herself as a “living permission slip” to do what she needs to do to love herself. Can you be that for yourself? 

  • Our choices will never please everyone. We are going to be criticized regardless. So, we might as well please ourselves. 

  • When I say “I SHOULD have ____” that’s always when my pain starts. I need to know where the should is coming from and need to figure it out in order to let it go. It doesn’t support me nor promote my well-being. 

  • “In an age of speed, I began to think, nothing could be more invigorating than going slow. In an age of distraction, nothing can feel more luxurious than paying attention. And in an age of constant movement, nothing is more urgent than sitting still.” Pico Iyer 

  • “Every blade of grass has its Angel that bends over it and whispers, ‘Grow, grow.’” The Talmud 

  • “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt

  • Lily Thomlin, a comedian said: “Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past.” So true. 

  • Scientists who research forgiveness document the corrosive effects of not forgiving in addition to the benefits of doing so. Hanging on to resentment and anger can damage the heart as well as not allowing peace of mind. Failure to forgive may be a risk factor for heart disease, high blood pressure, and many other chronic stress-related illnesses. People hanging on to hostile feelings toward others are at increased risk for anxiety, depression, and insomnia and are more likely to suffer from ulcers, migraines, cancer, and backaches. The reverse is also true and real forgiveness can transform these ailments. 

  • There is a Gaelic proverb that says: “Nothing is easy for the unwilling.” Before any change, there has to be a willingness to change. What do you need to be willing about?

  • Gray Craig, the founder of EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), has fine tuned his approach to include the Unseen Therapist. You can view his free information at www.emofree.com for some valuable skills that may enhance your life. 

  • Do you have the belief: “You made your bed; now lie in it” Or “You got yourself into this; you get yourself out”? Sometimes it’s hard to ask for help when we most need it because we think we have to take care of things ourselves especially when we feel responsible for the situation we are in. In these situations it might be of value to send out to the universe a cry for help with a simple prayer. 

  • The author Shauna Niequist talks about “fake-resting.” This is where she wears her pajamas while putting things away, checking off tasks on her endless “to do” list, and basically getting an amazing amount of chores done. She says: “I fake-rested instead of real-rested, and then I found that I was real-tired.” When are you “fake-resting” when you need to take a few minutes to do what dogs know intuitively to do - lay down and take a quick nap? 

  • Do you spend more time asking your loved ones for help doing the dishes or getting something done efficiently than you ask about their life, dreams, or ideas? Are you on extra-capable, “I can handle a whole lot of things” mode? What price are you paying for this? Exhausted? Over-scheduled? What is one small thing you could do today to allow yourself to rest or to connect with someone you love? 

  • A recommendation for getting at your desire or dream is to answer this question: “If someone gave you a completely blank calendar and a bank account as full as you wanted, what would you do?” Take a moment to write down your ideas. 

  • Insights from Shauna Niequist from her book Present - Over - Perfect: “My regrets: how many years I bruised people with my fragmented, anxious presence. How many moments of connection I missed - too busy, too tired, too frantic and strung out on the drug of efficiency.” Do you see yourself here? What could you shift that would make you even easier to be around? 

  • "We think that by protecting ourselves from suffering we are being kind to ourselves. The truth is we only become more fearful, more hardened, and more alienated. We experience ourselves as being separate from the whole. This separateness becomes like a prison for us, a prison that restricts us to our personal hopes and fears and to caring only for the people nearest to us. Curiously enough, if we primarily try to shield ourselves from discomfort, we suffer. Yet when we don't close off and we let our hearts break, we discover our kinship with all beings." Pema Chodren

  • Seen in the mid-west on a church sign: "Children are like wet cement. Whatever touches them leaves an impression." 

  • When you find yourself thinking or saying: "He or she is driving me crazy!" ask yourself what creative work you are trying to avoid by spending your time and attention in their drama? It might be time to educate yourself around codependency and stop the crazy making dance. 

  • "What doesn't kill me makes me stronger." Albert Camus 

  • “What we’ve really got to do is stop listening to our minds. We instead need to listen to the silence inside, listen in that place where our listening takes us beyond what we think we know. This is true even when we’re in turmoil, deep sadness, grief, or depression. Strangely, the more we struggle to get out of these states, the deeper we sink into them. The more we try to figure them out, the more we find ourselves confused, when what we really need to do is to begin to listen. Listening is the first step to discovering our autonomy, an autonomy that, if we take this search for our own happiness and freedom all the way, will fully flower one day into something you can’t imagine.” – Falling into Grace by Adyashanti 

    Adyashanti asks: “What do you know that you may not want to know?” You may want to do some release writing like Julia Cameron recommends with her Morning Pages from her book: The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity - write three pages long hand on this topic without thinking and without stopping. See what you discover. 

  • To maximize brain functioning, there are three keys: sleep, light exposure, and exercise. 

  • WRITING TO HEAL

    James Pennebaker a researcher at the University of Texas at Austin and author of Writing to Heal, has done research on the power of expressive writing in the healing process. “Emotional upheavals touch every part of our lives. You don’t just lose a job, you don’t just get divorced. These things affect all aspects of who we are - our  financial situation, our relationships with others, our views of ourselves, our issues of life and death. Writing helps us focus and organize the experience.” Pennebaker believes that because our minds are designed to try to understand things that happened to us, translating messy, difficult experiences into language essentially makes them graspable.”

    He recommends writing about emotional upheaval for just 15 to 20 minutes a day on four consecutive days can help decrease anxiety, rumination, depressive symptoms and boost our immune systems.

  • AGING AS A SPIRITUAL PRACTICE BY LEWIS RICHMOND 

    As I grow older, may I be kind to myself;

    As I grow older, may I accept joy and sorrow;

    As I grow older, may I be happy and at peace.

    As each of us grows older, may we be kind to ourselves; 

    As each of us grows older, may we accept joy and sorrow;

    As each of us grows older, ma we be happy and at peace.

    As all beings grow older, may they be kind to themselves;

    As all beings grow older, may they accept joy and sorrow;

    As all beings grow older, may they be happy and at peace. 

  • “‘Why is it that we suffer?’ [This is] not the only question that human beings have asked through the ages, but in some way it’s the most intimate, because we’re in fact biologically hardwired not to suffer. In other words, when we feel conflict, when we feel some sort of anxiety, our bodies get tense. When we suffer, our bodies respond directly—our breathing changes, our heart rate changes; our bodies send signals that something’s not quite right. In many ways, we’re biologically impelled to find a way not to suffer.” –Adyashanti

    Adyashanti points out the three primary ways the mind turns away from the experience of pain and toward suffering: it buys into the illusion of control; it demands that things be different; and it argues with what is and what was. Observe these “habitual patterns of thinking” and pay attention to your body which reveals the truth. Ask: “Am I identified with the illusion/belief that I can control this? Am I expecting things to be different than they are? Am I NOT accepting the reality of the present or past?”

  • This agency looks at the safety of products not regulated by government such as vitamins and supplements: https://www.consumerlab.com/ 

  • For a rapid reduction in anxiety and a quick stress reducer, take a 10-minute brisk walk. The increase in energy lasts 60-120 minutes. This is equal to a cup of regular coffee and is a much better health choice.

  • A technique from Positive Psychology: Each day ask: “What three things went well today?” 

  • They're words of wisdom that will take you on a journey beyond yourself. Read these thoughts from  Michael Singer, author of The Untethered Soul:

    "Come from a space of peace and you will find you can deal with anything." 

  • “Sometimes you don’t know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice.” Unknown 

  • Dr.John Gottman Making Marriage work. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AKTyPgwfPgg&feature=youtu.be

  • "Nobody will protect you from your suffering. You can't cry it away or starve it away or walk it away or punch it away or even therapy it away. It's just there, and you have to survive it. You have to endure it. You have to live through it and love it and move on and be better for it and run as far as you can...across the bridge that was built by your own desire to heal." Cheryl Strayed 

  • "Life may be brimming over with experiences, but somewhere, deep inside, all of us carry a vast and fruitful loneliness wherever we go." Etty Hillesum 

  • Irwin Yalom in his book: Rippling said: “As a therapist, I touch people for future generations. We keep touching people’s lives long after we are gone even thought I won’t know it.” This is also very true of teachers. Since I have been both, I am giving myself permission to celebrate all the lives I’ve touched in positive ways even though for most of them, I’m unaware of the rippling effect I’ve had. 

  • Mooji who wrote Writing on Water said this: "Just say inside your heart, 'I am open, take me.' That itself is a mighty prayer, a true surrendering which can never be refused." 

  • Dr. Steven R. Gundry’s Rule Number 1: “What you STOP eating has far more impact on your health than what you start eating.”

  • Dharma Talks by Jack Kornfield (Buddhist)

     

  • From A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle: "Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on." What is it that you need or want to let go? 

  • Rumi, 13th century poet wrote: 

    The Guest House

     

    This being human is a guest house.

    Every morning a new arrival.

     

    A joy, a depression, a meanness,

    some momentary awareness comes

    as an unexpected visitor.

     

    Welcome and entertain them all!

    Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,

    who violently sweep your house

    empty of its furniture,

    still, treat each guest honorably.

    He may be clearing you out

    for some new delight.

     

    The dark thought, the shame, the malice.

    meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

     

    Be grateful for whatever comes.

    because each has been sent

    as a guide from beyond.

  • If we could read the secret history of our enemies,
    we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering
    enough to disarm all hostility.
    - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow 

  • Bring awareness to moments of reacting and explore options for responding with greater mindfulness, spaciousness and creativity, in formal meditation practice and in everyday life. Remember that the breath is an anchor, a way to heighten awareness of reactive tendencies, to slow down and make more conscious choices. Even if you don’t have a regular meditation practice, you can anchor 2-3 deep breathes each day with something you automatically do such as brushing your teeth or eating meals. 

  • If I Had My Life to Live Over

    I'd dare to make more mistakes next time.

    I'd relax. I would limber up.

    I would be sillier than I have been this trip.

    I would take fewer things seriously.

    I would take more chances.

    I would take more trips.

    I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers.

    I would eat more ice cream and less beans.

    I would perhaps have more actual troubles but I'd 

    have fewer imaginary ones.

    You see, I'm one of those people who live sensibly 

    and sanely hour after hour, day after day.

    Oh, I've had my moments and if I had it to do over 

    again, I'd have more of them. In fact, 

    I'd try to have nothing else. Just moments.

    One after another, instead of living so many 

    years ahead of each day.

    I've been one of those people who never go anywhere 

    without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a raincoat 

    and a parachute.

    If I had my life to live over, I would start barefoot 

    earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall.

    If I had it to do again, I would travel lighter next time.

    I would go to more dances.

    I would ride more merry-go-rounds.

    I would pick more daisies.

    By Nadine Stair (age 85)

  • The Universe Has Your Back by Gabrielle Bernstein

    “When you deliberately focus your attention on love and joy, then you open the floodgates to receive miracles. Most of us get caught up focusing on what’s going wrong. But what if we spent our days looking at all that’s going right? Make a conscious effort to look for love throughout the day. To ignite this process, begin your day with a prayer: I focus my attention on the love that is around me, and I expect miracles.” 

  • The quote is from the book The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood: "The point is simply this: How tender can we bear to be? What good manners can we show as we welcome ourselves and others into our hearts?" 

  • The Universe Has Your Back by Gabrielle Bernstein

    “The next time you get hung up in a victim mentality over why something isn’t working out the way you planned, simply say this prayer and realign with love:

    Thank you, Universe, for helping me see this obstacle as an opportunity. I will step back and let you lead the way.” 

  • “I keep the telephone of my mind open to peace, harmony, health, love and abundance. Then, whenever doubt, anxiety, or fear try to call me, they will keep getting a busy signal – and soon they’ll forget my number.”  – Edith Armstrong

  • Perhaps ultimately, spiritual simply means
    experiencing wholeness and interconnectedness directly,
    a seeing that individuality and the totality are interwoven,
    that nothing is separate or extraneous.
    If you see in this way, then everything becomes spiritual in its deepest sense.  Doing science is spiritual. So is washing the dishes. - Jon Kabat-Zinn

  • Anxiety a problem? There's a wonderful, inexpensive tool in the APP store - Anxiety Release APP

     

    Go to the APP store and look for Anxiety Release 

     

    It’s likely the second APP that comes up

     

    Look for a blueish symbol shaped kinda like a Burning Man 

     

    Mark Grant is the author - lovely English accent 

     

    Based on EMDR 

     

    It’s $4.99

     

    Download it

     

    Be sure to read the “Info” section in the upper right hand corner - lots of valuable information.  

     

    You need headphones to use and need to be able to look at the screen. 

     

    Short mediations that are very valuable.  I have no affiliation with this company. I just believe in their product. 

     

  • “Commitment is that turning point in your life when you seize the moment and convert it into an opportunity to alter your destiny.” – Denis Waitley 

  • Mary O’Malley’s book The Gift Of Our Compulsions has been so valuable to me in learning how to keep addressing my feelings when I just want to escape the intensity.  In the past I headed for sugar to numb myself out from feeling too much or I ate when I was tired instead of resting. I am grateful for my struggles because they have taught me a lot.  What are you noticing you do to escape? 

  • The Universe Has Your Back by Gabrielle Bernstein

    “This is my mission: to guide you to choose love no matter what so that you can turn all obstacles into opportunities for spiritual growth.”

  • TedTalk https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability

  • Sit down wherever you are
    And listen to the wind singing in your veins. 
    Feel the love, the longing, the fear in your bones. 
    Open your heart to who you are, right now, 
    Not who you would like to be, 
    Not the saint you are striving to become, 
    But the being right here before you, inside you, around you. 
    All of you is holy. 
    You are already more and less 
    Than whatever you can know. 
    Breathe out, 
    Touch in, 
    Let go.

    By: John Welwood

  • Listened to a woman's idea where she is high-fiving herself to give herself credit for each of her personal accomplishments per day. It reminds me of something that I started some time ago and that I recommend people do to feeling even better about themselves. I say “Hello Beautiful” to myself when I see my reflection in a mirror, window, water, or anything that reflects.  Sometimes I use a funny voice, sometimes I use my normal voice, and each time I feel better. At times it’s resulted in me laughing hysterically because my hair is a mess or I have on really grubby clothes. You might want to add this to your repertoire of things to do for yourself for TLC. If you're a guy just substitute the word to "handsome."

  • The Universe Has Your Back by Gabrielle Bernstein

    “The moment you witness frustration in your life try this prayer: Universe, thank you for helping me find joy in this situation.”

  • I don't have to chase extraordinary moments to find happiness.
    It's right in front of me if I'm paying attention and practicing gratitude.
    - Brené Brown 

  • “Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.”

    –– Helen Keller 

  • If you are like me, you are often frustrated by computers. When my computer has a problem and I contact a professional, the first thing they usually recommend is to turn it off and start it again and see if that fixes it. Nine times out of ten, it cures my problem. Sometimes a computer just needs to reboot, and so do we! We just need to start again with self-compassion and a helpful reboot for our minds. We all deserve GOLD STARS because each of us is doing the very best we can! So give yourself a "reboot" by giving yourself credit for something you are doing right. 

  • HAPPY LABOR DAY - CELEBRATING BEING AN AMERICAN! 

  • What is your intention today? My intention for today is to surrender to whatever is most helpful to my highest good. This likely means getting more rest and stressing less.

  • “With every act of self care your authentic self gets stronger, and the critical, fearful mind gets weaker. Every act of self care is a powerful declaration: I am on my side; each day I am more and more on my side.”   Susan Weiss Berry

  • "Determination and perseverance move the world; thinking that others will do it for you is a sure way to fail."  Educator, Marva Collins

  • Researcher James Pennebaker wrote Writing to Heal and found 15-20 minutes of writing, 4 days in a row helped reduce anxiety, rumination, and depressive symptoms and it boosts our immune systems. 

  • “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who come short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who is the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly…" Theodore Roosevelt

  • What are you doing to shift your behavior to support yourself? 

  • Notice two things in your life today: 1. What are your moment by moment experiences of happiness? 2. What gave you satisfaction during your day? 

  • From the book: The Only Little Prayer You Need by Debra Landwehr Engle - PLEASE HEAL MY FEAR BASED THOUGHTS. "When we ask for our fear-based thoughts to be healed, we are asking to replace fear with love and acceptance." 

  • Phone App "Anxiety Release "by Mark Grant based on EMDR principles. Need headphones to use. Less than $5 investment. Plus, the meditations are short and very valuable for any kind of anxiety. 

  • “Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one.” Brad Paisley 

  • Research shows that our deepest sleep occurs within 20-90 minutes of going to sleep. So, perhaps even those of you who wake up in the middle of the night with insomnia challenges, can give yourself more credit for the rest you are getting. 

  • Forgiveness is a big act that many people advise us to do. However, it’s not always an easy task. We don’t forgive to help the other person, nor do we forgive for anyone but ourselves. Forgiveness is at its best a form of personal liberation, the ultimate in self-care. This is true both scientifically and spiritually. Research shows that people who are more forgiving experience fewer physical and mental health problems along with fewer physical symptoms of stress. 

  • “Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your inner voice.” Steve Jobs

  • The Universe Has Your Back by Gabrielle Bernstein

    “The next time you get hung up in a victim mentality over why something isn’t working out the way you planned, simply say this prayer and realign with love:

    Thank you, Universe, for helping me see this obstacle as an opportunity. I will step back and let you lead the way.” 

  • You have heard that meditation will improve your life in ways you can't imagine and yet most people don't manage a regular practice. There are some easier ways to focus moment to moment that can bring a sense of peace inside. Bring awareness in moments of reacting and explore options for responding with greater mindfulness in everyday life is one of them. The breath can be an anchor, a way to heighten our awareness of reactive tendencies, a way to slow down and by deepening our breath it can help us make more conscious choices. You can anchor 2-3 deep breathes each day with something you automatically do such as brushing your teeth or eating meals. This small anchoring can give you a greater sense of inner tranquility.

  • If we could read the secret history of our enemies,
 we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering 
enough to disarm all hostility.
- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

  • "I don't have to chase extraordinary moments to find happiness.
 It's right in front of me if I'm paying attention and practicing gratitude.
"- Brené Brown

  • Lighten up, play more, laugh at yourself. Schedule time for recreation. Spend time with friends and family who love you. You will be happier as a result.

  • Those of you dealing with urges, here's an 8 minute meditation that's excellent:  http://depts.washington.edu/abrc/mbrp/recordings/Urge%20Surfing.mp3

  • It's okay to say "no" to requests from others. Your time is one of your most precious commodities; use it wisely.

  • Researcher James Pennebaker wrote Writing to Heal and found 15-20 minutes of writing, 4 days in a row helped reduce anxiety, rumination, and depressive symptoms and it boosts our immune systems. I encourage each of us to do our own writing. I am doing it and it's helping with my stress level. 

  • "A friend is a gift you give yourself."  Writer, Robert Louis Stevenson

  • Important question to ask yourself: What is the one thing I need to do to take care of me today?

  • Be persistent in achieving your goals. It's important to remember that there is no such thing as failure, just a delay in achieving your goal. Go for your dream.

  • "Destroy negative thoughts when they first appear. This is when they're the weakest." Songide Makwa

  • “Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one.” Brad Paisley 

  • "What we do during our working hours determines what we have; what we do in our leisure hours determines what we are."
    Entrepreneur, George Eastman

  • Growing older is not an option, it's a given if we are fortunate. How we grow older is an option! Are you growing older with grace?

  • Don't Sweat the Small Stuff in Love is a great bathroom reader for both people in a relationship. It helps us be aware of how to make the best of our connections with people we love.

  • More "messages from God" on billboards around the USA: Need a marriage counselor? I'm available.        Follow me.               Keeping using my name in vain, I'll make rush hour longer.               I don't question your existence.

  • Change happens all the time yet many resist it. It is the one constant factor in our lives year after year. Think about a year ago and what has changed in your life? Change won't go away. What can you do to welcome and embrace it? 

  • All relationships need work and dedication to remain in them. My observations of what happy partners do are: 1. Say please and thank you to each other- treat each other with dignity and respect, just like most people treat strangers. 2. Reminisce about how, when, where, and why they fell in love - they talk about it and remind each other of their loving beginning history. 3. Show and say appreciation for each other. They display an attitude of gratitude toward each other and their relationship.

  • "Thank you" are extremely important words. How often are you using them? If you don't us them much, can you start with silently saying them each time you are grateful?

  • From the book, The Universe Has Your Back by Gabrielle Bernstein Page 117 “Begin your day with a prayer: I focus my attention on the love that is around me, and I expect miracles.”

  • It is our choice if our life is empty or fulfilling. An empty life is one of isolation. A fulfilling life is one of connection. Are you ready for a challenge? Relate to people you don't normally talk to, offer a helping hand, listen, practice connecting. What do you have to lose except emptiness?

  • "The people I want to hear about are the people who take risks."  Robert Frost 

  • Additional Self-Care Tips
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